Like a Teddy Bear
Friday, December 17, 2010
I must be like a teddy bear,
forgotten in your daily do
and only remembered when seen.
Thought of when needed
and only taken off your shelf when YOU feel like taking me down.
Life just isn't fair…
do I even have a life?
Will my life start before it ends?
I really hope so because that would be a waste of all the love I have stuffed in me,
well had in me.
I have given out so much love to people,
to people I don't much care for,
to people I truly love,
but I don't receive anything from people in return.
I've given just about all of me and there isn't much left.
No wonder I'm not one of the toys you look forward to playing with unless there was nothing left to do.
No wonder you easily forget me throughout your daily do.
"Oh, my dear teddy bear! I forgot all about you."
Yes, story of my life
or of my existence.
Why do I feel the need to cry over this matter that has been proven to be true?
If I don't receive anything else in this existence it wouldn't matter at all
if I could just have the answer to my one question…
but then again,
I wouldn't know the truth to honestly be true,
and neither would you.
I've been lied to so many times,
I've been lied about so many times
I am in no shape to tell you the difference between truth and fiction.
My sewn on eyes have been so blinded by lies
that I can't even tell my ups from my downs.
Is there an honest person alive that can point me to the truth?
But then again…
what would I gain from it?
I will still be on the shelf where you left me
the last time you decided to play with me.
From my permanent spot on the shelf,
My mouth forever sewn into that fake smile
that doesn't reflect how I really feel inside.
I observe you play with your new toys,
Lots of new adventures to be had,
ones that I was not included in.
You seem to have broken your new toys,
and now I guess you figure that you always have me to come back to.
You cry your eyes out into me
and explain what your problem is.
How I wish I could shed a tear for my own problems.
How I wish I could turn my sewn on smile into the frown that reflects my existence.
How I wish I could open my mouth to tell
you my problems.
I must be a teddy bear because I cannot.
My facial features sit in the comforting smile that can make you fill better.
When your crying is done
you look at me.
Yeah, you haven't taken a good look at me in a long while have you?
You notice a change in me that has happened over the years of loving you.
"Oh dear teddy bear, did you lose weight?"
I've lost love
and lots of it.
You place me back on the shelf and walk away.
Through my sewn-on eyes
I again observe
I observe you grow, mature
and forget me.
Now you don't even come to me to cry,
that phone, and whoever is on the other line, is all you need.
Now you don't even come to me to talk,
that computer is all you need.
You don't even ask me questions,
you have new friends now,
and apparently they are all you need.
All you need to be happy.
Why can't I be happy?
I should be happy
simply because you're happy.
But, when I lost my love
I became selfish,
consumed in my own thoughts about my lonely existence.
Consumed in my own problems drowning in them because I have no way of letting them out.
I want to feel sorry for you,
but what's left of me won't allow me to feel
sorry for anyone else but myself
I'm consumed in self-pity
wishing to be happy.
Wishing to receive some of my love back that I have given out to you.
But the sad fact is that I will probably never get my love back,
Well from you anyway.
Do you even know me at all?
I don't believe that you do.
From my permanent seat on your shelf
I honestly believe that I know you better than you know me.
I bet my life (well my existence) that I can last longer as you than you could last as me.
In fact you probably can't last as me.
You probably can't even figure out the first thing to do as me.
But I guess I should have seen this coming.
I should have known that one day you would out grow me.
That day was a while ago.
Could you please just save me the pain of goodbyes?
Just remove me from behind your new toys and give me away to someone that needs me.
Give me to someone that wouldn't mind a broken hearted teddy bear.
Give me to someone that can show me love and kindness.
Give me to someone that cares.
Now here you come to get me
to end my suffering.
"Oh, my dear teddy bear, how I've missed you so much."
The devil is a lie and so are your words.
The words "MISSED you" cut my plush.
You claim that you missed me but never once did you claim that you WOULD miss me after I was gone from your life.
Now you send me away with no goodbyes.
That was the least you could do for me,
because I never have seen the "good" in "good"byes.
I came to you full of love and joy
and I now leave you full of misery and pain.
I don't know where I am going
but hopefully it is to someone who cares.
You have the better end of the bargain,
you have my love
and you will easily forget me.
I have pain
and it is funny how hard it is for me to forget about you.
My existence will change now that I have left you
your life won't be affected at all.
It will stay the same
as if my being here was in vain.
I do believe that it was.
I now leave you
but who cares?
because you left me long ago
sitting on that shelf
where all my love went.