Tuesday, April 14, 2015
It's been a long day without you, my friend
And I'll tell you all about it when I see you again
We've come a long way from where we began
Oh, I'll tell you all about it when I see you again
When I see you again
The way I detached from people closed to me when I know the end is near is quite cruel, I know. After everything is done, I'm done with people around me, I break their heart, ignore them and forget everything that we've done before, all those happy time, hard and sweat, I erase them.
Why? Because I'm afraid I'll lose them, afraid of losing those precious people that I care. I can't accept the fact that we will never be together again like all those sweet time. I want to be the person who end everything myself. I'm afraid that I will hurt my heart, but I know by doing this, I don't feel better. They're going to leave me. I know, I can't be too greedy, wanting all those great people in my life forever. So, I detached from them, separating my feelings from my head so I won't cry, so I won't regret all those time that I waste without them.
I've been through many of these separation back in those time, with people that I'm comfortable with but I will never get used to it. I don't want that to happen but they leave me when I start to love them. So, I always try to end it by myself. I'm sorry if it is too harsh for people to accept my way, but I don't have a choice. I don't want to hurt myself, I don't want you to leave me, I don't want to hurt your feeling, I love you. I separate myself, telling lies about your bad behaviours, try to hate everyone and stop talking. So that I can keep all those memories without thinking about how it end, I'll just blame myself for being so confident and stupid for letting people go and they don't feel any reluctant or sad or whatever people feel of losing, letting go or separation. They will just hate me and leave.
I don't want to remember those memories, I don't want to cry, I don't want to regret, I will forget those memories, just like what I've done before, because one day, those things will come and hunt me down to the earth. I can't escape myself and it will find my pressure point, stab it hard and I will need to find myself again.
It is complicated to explain to everyone about what I'm feeling. I just hope that you will understand that I have a reason of doing all this to you, ignoring you, I'm detaching. I just don't want to cry. I will erase those memories but you, I will remember.
Again, I'm so sorry for what I've done that hurt you. I pray that you will not find someone bad like me again, hurting people like hell. I wish you will find someone better to be your friend and to tell nice things about this world and hereafter. I wish you will move forward and if you're not reluctant, don't forget me, write to me and forgive me. I hope you will find peace and success and luck will follow you everywhere you go.
When that line had to be drawn
And that line is what we reach
So remember me when I'm gone
From me and my heart, mind and soul.