Monday, May 2, 2016It's been a few day since my birthday. I've been busy since then that I don't really have time to think about myself. Well, happy belated birthday to me. That's all in a day. Honestly, as I grow older, birthday becomes something common, very common. It's just a day that have nothing to be celebrated except the fact that the date was written in the birth certificate. But I'm thankful that I was born and had a chance to live my life up until today.
I hope I can still make a wish. So I wish, he will have the same feeling as I am and tell me.
Nah, what kind of wish is that? Okay, I wish I will do well this year, successfully going through hardship, being loved by people that I love, my parents are healthy and my sister to have good grades.
I am 22. I realized that having a person to love you properly is quite a requirement. Because there are a lot of things need to be shared. Problems, solutions, sickness, behaviours, hardship, sadness...they all need to be told, as we keep them in, I guess we can really explode.
So I wish, I can have someone that I can tell him everything without him judging me. Well, maybe a little judgement. I want to listen to his story too, telling everything will be fine. Sharing good food, spending time doing what we love. I always wanted this, but sometimes there are some restrictions in me that don't allow me to do that. Perhaps because I tend to read people and I can't accept rejection. I don't deal with frustration very well. That's why I find it very hard to confess or tell someone I love them except if they told me first.
I'm afraid of being rejected. Up until today, I don't really be in any situation that's required choices. It is either I'm the one or I'm not anyone. There is nothing in between. So when the time required me to say something to people like "I love you" or anything such, it will be very hard. I would have trouble sleeping at day and night...maybe.
The truth is I love you but I can just write it here. If you ever read this, well that's good. If not, my bad. I'm sorry I can't tell you in person. I will wait for you to say it first. Hehe, sorry.